ある日、隣町に奇妙な形の廃棄物工場を見つけて興味を覚え、撮影を始めた。この町には雑木林や畑の中に工場や倉庫が数多くあった。狭い道路を大型車が砂煙を上げてひっきりなしに走っていたが、人の気配は少なく、私は不思議と安らぎを覚えた。
この町を撮影し始めたのは、ちょうど両親の介護に追われている時だった。老いは誰にでも訪れるものだが、親の報われない最後に虚しさを感じていた。
撮影し始めてしばらくして父が亡くなった。 痩せて、枯れ葉がカサカサと落ちてゆくような最後だった。
あの奇妙な古びた工場が キシキシと音を立てて稼働する姿が、働き尽くして朽ちていく父の姿に重なった。そして、父の最後の日々、十分に手を尽くせなかった自分を深く後悔した。私は老いや死という絶対的なものを受け入れられず、父と共に歩むことができなかったのだ。
この町には日々、さまざまなものが運び込まれ、うず高く積み上げられていく。 それらはいつか工場で処理されて新しい何かに生まれ変わりこの町を出ていく。 役目を終えたものも、また別な形の”生”(または、役目)を与えられる。人もまた同じなのかもしれない。どのような人 生であろうが、皆一様に死を迎え、土に還り、循環し、全体に同化して、やがて別の何かになる。 死というプロセスを経て違う形を生きる。父の肉体も魂もまた、新しい何かに生まれ変わるだろう。普遍の現実に尻込みした私もまた、同じこのダイナミックな流れに乗ってゆくのだ。
重く垂れ込めた雲の下や生い茂る草むらの向こうに、広がる空が見えた。
薄くたなびく光のその先にどこまででも変化し続く世界が見えた。
I had been struggling with caring for my father at home when I started to take pictures of an old and strange shaped waste disposal factory , located next to my town.
I know that growing old comes to everybody without fail, but I could not help feeling an emptiness after my father had unreturned end of life.
He passed away soon after I started taking photographs in the town. Sadly, he became really thin and weak. At the last moment he was like dry leaves fell down with rustling sound.
When I heard the creaking noise from those waste disposal factories, I remembered how my father had worked hard and got worn down.
Moreover I regretted what I had done or hadn’t done for him while he had been sick in bed. I guess I was so afraid of and anxious about getting old or dying that I couldn’t face as reality, nor was I prepared with an idea how to live and manage with it.
Various things are carried into this small town by dump trucks every day. They are piled up high. They seem to be waiting for being converted into something different and then will be sent to another place.
Some old or broken things will be fixed in the factories and become something useful again.
I think human beings might be the same. We live our lives and die , and would be born again. I believe in a cycle of reincarnation. Then, I’m sure my father’s soul will be reincarnated in someone or something else someday.
Now, I, who was afraid of dying, finally accept the universal principles, and will live serene until the end of the day.
Standing in the grass growing thick, I saw a big sky under the heavy clouds. With the scenery in the glimmer of light, I feel that I’m living in the ever-changing world.
